"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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