Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize