Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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