Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize