dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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