God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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