she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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