I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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