So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize