she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize