I am in a vortex of obligation.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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