my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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