just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize