The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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