Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize