i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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