I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize