No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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