I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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