i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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