im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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