I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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