My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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