remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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