Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize