just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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