I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize