Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize