Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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