Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
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Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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