So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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