Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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