i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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