New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have fence marks all over my body
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize