one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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