yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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