i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize