You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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