I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize