We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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