now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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