John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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