I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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