dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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