I need to stop coming to work sober
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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