So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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