I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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