I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize