Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize