man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize