Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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